If you’ve gone through a breakup that you feel should never have happened…
If you feel like you and your ex belong together, and you’re desperate for a way to get a second chance…
You need a PLAN to make that happen.
You need a proven, effective strategy that will take you from the point you’re at now with your ex to a point where you’re back in their arms, officially together again.
Why do I say you need a plan? Because I see so many people try to go it alone, figure it out on the fly, and make mistakes or miss opportunities because they don’t have a clear strategy that will actually work… that will actually end happily back together with their ex. I don’t want you to fall into that kind of situation, so I’ll give you the best possible plan to make sure you win back your ex and find that second chance you’re dreaming of.
Before we begin, if you’re new here… I’m Brad Browning, aka Breakup Brad or The Ex Back Geek… I’ve been a breakup coach for 13+ years, and I’ve helped over 140,000 clients from 131 countries get through a tough breakup and get back together with their ex. If you’re looking for trustworthy advice and guidance with your breakup situation, you’re in the right place. Now, let’s talk about this Grand Plan to win back your ex, shall we?
First, let me be honest with you… the very best plan for getting your ex back is my Ex Factor Guide. It’s an online training program that I’ve created after years as a breakup coach, and it is quite simply the single most comprehensive and most popular guide to getting back with an ex.
I know that sounds kind of arrogant to say, but I’m so confident that The Ex Factor program will give you your best possible shot at rekindling things with your ex that I guarantee your success if you sign up for the program. Once you sign up, you get access immediately, and you can try out the program and implement it for a full 60 days risk-free.
If you don’t like it, if it doesn’t work for you… return it any time within 60 days for a full refund. Click here to learn more.
Follow These Steps To Get Your Ex Back
I’m not going to say there isn’t any other way possible but the VAST majority of people who have successfully reconnected with their exes have followed these simple steps, whether they knew it or not.
Step 1: Recovery
The basis of my Ex Factor program is what i call the 3R system: Recovery, Rekindling, and Reattraction. The first phase, the Recovery phase, covers roughly the first month after breaking up… or if it’s already been a while since the breakup, the first 30 days from now.
The Recovery phase is partly what it sounds like: a time for you to recover from the worst of the post-breakup emotions and heartache. But more than that, it’s also the period where you’re going to isolate yourself from your ex to set yourself up for success in the next two phases.
Now, if you’re thinking to yourself–C’mon Brad, I’m recovered enough, let me jump straight to the next step–no, sorry, that’s not how it works.
Even if you really are in the right emotional state of mind, your ex isn’t. You can’t skip the Recovery phase, because it’s essential to set the stage for the Rekindling period that comes next.
The most important element of the Recovery phase is of course the 30 Day No Contact strategy. You knew this was coming… and I’m not going to disappoint you. The first step to a successful plan for getting your ex back is always a period of No Contact.
As hard as it can be to implement… as much as you may want to find another method out there that doesn’t require you to go silent and ignore your ex for several weeks… there is no shortcut. No Contact is critical in 99% of all breakups. You’re going to need to implement No Contact as soon as possible.
The reason why is simple:
No Contact has several key benefits that simply can’t be achieved any other way.
First, completely shutting down communication with your ex forces them to go “cold turkey” instead of allowing them to wean themselves off you over time. They can’t just pick up the phone to hear your voice any time they miss you, because you’re not going to be around to answer.
They’ll just have to face that pain and loneliness on their own. This sounds cruel, and it can be hard on your ex, but that heartache your ex will feel is only going to make them want you back… and make them wonder if they made a mistake breaking up.
Secondly, No Contact is the only way to make your ex miss you as much as possible.
You can’t miss something or someone that’s a part of your life. The more you’re around your ex after breaking up — the more you text one another, meet up for coffee, etc — the less they’ll miss you. And as you’ll know if you watched some of my past videos, you need them to miss you in order for them to feel that desperation and urge to take you back. The more your ex misses you, the more tempting it will be for them to give in to their emotions and ask you to take them back.
Thirdly, and on a similar note, No Contact is designed to get your ex back to what I call an “Emotional Neutral” state. It will put them in a place where they’re going to be most likely to respond positively to what comes next in the Rekindling phase. And the 30 day timeframe that I usually recommend for No Contact is based on science and research that shows this is the average amount of time it takes for people to reach that “sweet spot” where they’ll be most receptive to your Rekindling efforts in Step 2.
Finally, No Contact gives YOU time to get a handle on your own emotions, put yourself together, and start doing fun and interesting things with your life that your ex is going to want to hear about and be part of. More than that, it’s the perfect opportunity for you to take on some self-improvement, get ahead in life at work or school or in your social circle, etc.
No Contact isn’t JUST about ignoring your ex, which is why I often call it “Dynamic No Contact” — it’s a period of time with little or no communication with your ex, but it’s absolutely not a period where you can just sit at home on the couch watching Netflix alone.
It’s a time you can really seize the opportunity, grow as a person, make new friends, and so on… all of which will set you up for the next phase, Rekindling, which starts at the end of your period of No Contact.
Step 2: Rekindling
Congrats, you’ve made it through the Recovery phase and completed a period of No Contact. Your ex is likely now in a place where their feelings of missing you are at their peak — they’ve had limited or no contact with you for several weeks at least, they’re desperate to hear from you and curious about what you’ve been up to and why you haven’t been around like they probably assumed you would be following the breakup.
More than that, science shows that this is roughly the time where they’re most likely to have begun letting go of their negative memories and emotions… they’re no longer fixated on the bad parts of your relationship that contributed to the decision to break up, but they’re still longing for the good times and nostalgic for the positive things you brought to their life.
Obviously, then, this is a perfect time to re-engage and re-open the dialogue with your ex. BUT–and remember, this is all about having a clear plan to get your ex back–you need to re-establish contact in a specific way.
You can’t just call up your ex on day 30 and ask them to take you back… that’s a recipe for disaster. You need to start slow, be patient, and work your way towards step 3 where things really start to come together.
RELATED: 5 Things That Make An Ex Change Their Mind About Breaking Up
I always recommend using texts or WhatsApp or some kind of text messaging platform to reach out after No Contact…. In-person meetups and phone conversations are far more likely to backfire or go badly, and you could end up unintentionally saying or doing something that will really set you back and hurt your chances.
So stick to texting initially, and always have a clear goal with whatever message you’re sending your ex. Don’t just “wing it”… think it through, come up with a good, interesting message that will make your ex laugh or smile or remember a happy shared memory… basically know exactly what you want to say, and what you hope to achieve with that message, before you hit the send button.
In summary, it’s all about making sure your message has a purpose: sharing a joke you know your ex will appreciate and laugh at, asking a specific question you know they’ll be able to answer, updating them on a situation or story in your life they’ll care about… those kinds of things have a purpose, and they’re not just closed or pointless “hey what’s up” messages that will get you nowhere.
I’ve also included a ton of example texts in my Ex Factor program that you can basically copy and paste.
Now, the Rekindling phase is called “Rekindling” for a reason… this is all about warming up your ex for what comes next…. Breaking down their walls and ensuring they don’t see you as a “threat” or see your true intentions… and also to remind them how much fun you can be, how much positivity you brought to their life, and why they fell for you in the first place.
Think of this phase as pouring gasoline on a pile of wood… you haven’t lit the match yet, but when you do, it’s going to burst into flames.
Sometimes, you can move into the Reattraction phase after just a few text message exchanges with your ex. For some people, though–depending on the details of your specific situation–it might take quite a bit longer. You need to be patient, and you can’t rush the process.
You want to interpret your ex’s reaction and replies to each of your messages carefully to gauge how receptive they’re being and how likely it is they’ll react positively when you suggest meeting in person. While it can be tempting to just rush through the Rekindling phase after a couple of good texting exchanges, moving too fast can lead you to a major setback.
There’s one other thing you need to know about this phase: you’re not trying to win back your ex with any single message or conversation.
In fact, you don’t even want to really treat these texts you’ll be sending as conversation starters… the goal isn’t to open a long meaningful conversation with your ex. At least not initially. It’s to remind them how awesome you still are, spark some curiosity and intrigue so they want to know more, and basically get them to a point where they’re no longer focused on the problems that led to your breakup.
RELATED: Why Your Ex LIED About Your Breakup
For this reason, you never want to get too serious with your early texting exchanges, and always want to leave your ex smiling or feeling positive and nostalgic.
Don’t ever let yourself get drawn into any drama, bickering, or boring chats… try to be the one to end any back-and-forth exchanges with your ex, try to leave out plenty of details to leave your ex wanting more, and try to make it extremely obvious to your ex that you’ve been absolutely kicking ass in life since the breakup and you’re thriving without them.
This is the opposite of what your ex will be expecting, and it’s a very attractive thing for your ex that will put them in the right frame of mind for the final phase….
Step 3: Re-attraction
Awesome, you made it to the final R: re-attraction. You’ve re-opened positive communication with your ex, exchanged a handful of positive and enjoyable messages with your ex to re-start contact and get them thinking about you and remembering all the fun and excitement and companionship you brought to their life….. Now it’s time to take the final step and turn this friendly banter into an in-person meet-up, flirting, and a real romantic connection.
When the time is right — and again, this will vary a lot depending on your situation — you need to find a reason to propose a “coffee date” with your ex to catch up. Don’t call it a “date” — in fact, it’s critical that your ex thinks this first meet-up isn’t going to be romantic or anything threatening. When I say you need a “reason” to propose meeting in person, I mean you need to think of something that will serve as a legitimate excuse to meet.
This can be as simple as asking them to help you with your upcoming physics exam, asking for advice planning an upcoming vacation, or sharing some hilarious or interesting story that they simply need to hear in person.
Whatever it is, just be sure it will pass your ex’s sniff test and not set off any alarm bells. If you handled the Step 2 Rekindling phase properly, they’ll almost certainly agree to meet.
When you’re finally together in person again, there’s 3 rules that you need to remember:
#1 – Always keep it fun, casual, and upbeat.
Just like your texts during the previous phase, don’t ever let things get serious or heated when you’re talking with your ex. No digging up old dirt, no asking about whether they’re dating again, no jealousy or depressing serious talk… just show your ex a good time. Make them laugh, smile, and remember your positive attributes and all the things they loved about you when you were together.
#2 – Flirt and build sexual tension.
Yes, your ex thinks this is just a friendly meet-up over coffee, but you want to flirt as much as you can without going overboard. The more receptive your ex is to your flirting and advances, the more you have a green light to continue to ramp things up. Playfully touch them, tease them, drop a sexual innuendo…. Just flirt. Treat it like a first date. This can be tricky, obviously, and you’ll have to read the situation and adjust your behaviour accordingly… but you want to make your ex attracted to you, sexually desire you, and see all your best attributes.
#3 – Don’t rush it.
Sometimes it’ll take 3 or 4 in-person encounters with your ex to make real progress. If your ex isn’t really responding that well to your flirting, back down a bit and just aim for a fun encounter with your ex that ends well and leaves the door open to more meetings in the near future. You may have to slow things down, revert to occasional texting exchanges, etc at times if things aren’t progressing that well after the first couple of meet-ups with your ex.
And if you run into issues or have a particularly unusual situation you’re facing with your ex–be it in this Reattraction phase or anywhere along the way–consider signing up for a month of my 1-on-1 personal coaching to get my help as things unfold. I’ll learn about your situation, gauge where you’re at, and we’ll work together to make sure you maximize your chances and don’t accidentally take any steps backward. You can sign up any time you need my help.
