The only thing worse than breaking up is feeling like your ex doesn’t even miss you.
You’d do anything to make them realize the mistake they made.
But if you’re thinking about blocking your ex, you need to know that this won’t help you get them back.
In fact, it will actually hurt your chances of getting them back, for a few reasons.
Let me tell you what to do instead that is sure to get your ex’s attention and give you the best possible shot at a second chance.
And I’ll also tell you what you need to do if you’ve already blocked your ex, because you need to handle this delicately if you want to prevent further damage.
Why You Shouldn’t Block Your Ex
So let’s talk about WHY it’s going to be the wrong choice. First off, ask yourself why you want to block your ex. What are you hoping to get out of it?
I’m guessing you want a few things. You want to show them that you’re over them. You want them to think that you’re actually SO over them that you have no reason to ever talk to them again.
You also want to imagine that they’re desperate to send you a message.
When the lines of communication are open, you have to face the fact that they’re choosing not to reach out to you. Or worse, maybe it’s not a choice…maybe they’re not even thinking about you at all.
But if you block them you can say “oh they wish they could message me right now but they can’t. They’re probably going crazy.”
And also, let’s be honest, you might be blocking them because you want to mess with them.
You want them to open their phone and check out your Instagram, like they’ve done a hundred times before, only to see that they can’t because they’re blocked.
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You want them to send you a text and have it come back undelivered. Maybe you want to hurt their feelings because they hurt yours.
And probably you’re also hoping that if you block them, then you won’t be tempted to talk to them again and embarrass yourself. So maybe you won’t call them crying in the middle of the night and tell them you need them in your life.
Now let’s think about this for a second. Unless your ex is totally over you–in which case none of this matters—then when they see they’re blocked, they’re going to ask themselves “why?” and they’re going to come up with these exact same reasons that we’ve just talked about.
They’ll say, “they probably want me to think that they’re over me.” Which is going to tell them that you’re NOT over them at all, because no one tries stuff like this if they’re truly moving on.
Basically, if you block your ex, you’re only going to give them the idea that you’re still thinking about them all the time, which is going to make them think less of you…It’s going to make them less attracted to you.
Think of it like this: now that you’ve broken up, you’re essentially competing with everyone else out there who they could date.
And someone who is totally obsessed–while flattering–is never going to be more attractive than someone who is playing it cool.
And on top of that, they’ll also think, “why are they trying to hurt my feelings? They must be really mad so I should probably stay away from them. I don’t want any drama.”
So if you really want your ex to miss you then you want them to think that you’re actually moving on… and if you are really moving on, you’re not going to be obsessed with them.
Plus, they’ll think you’re playing mind games—because you are—and this is another thing that’s only going to push them away.
This is why blocking your ex doesn’t work. The only possible benefit would be that it could stop you from contacting them, but if you get really desperate, it’s only going to take a couple of seconds to unblock them anyway.
So if blocking your ex doesn’t work, what should you do instead?
How To Make Your Ex Miss You
Well first off, your instinct is right. If you want your ex back—if you want them to regret ever breaking up with you and beg you for another chance—then you DO want them to think that you’re moving on.
So let’s think about that for a second. If blocking them doesn’t work, how do you give the impression that you’re moving on?
Well let’s imagine what you would do if you really were totally over them. You wouldn’t block them. You’d see no reason to. You wouldn’t even be thinking about them.
But you would probably stop talking to them. I mean, think about the people from your past who you’re no longer hung up on—or better yet, think about someone you’re not interested in at all.
Now that’s how you need to treat your ex…like you’re not interested…like you’re over it.
So for starters, you want to give them a lot of space. Don’t engage in conversation. Don’t call them up to check in. Don’t text. Basically, you want to disengage completely.
If you see them in public, don’t give them the silent treatment or anything–that will make you seem angry.
Anger is a sign of investment which is a sign that you’re NOT moving on. So be polite but not too friendly and disengage from the conversation as quickly as you’re able to.
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Next, act as if the relationship is in your past and you’re picking up the pieces and moving on.
So if you’re dragging your feet at all—holding off on giving them back their stuff, constantly trying to get them to talk about the breakup—then stop it. Remember, you’re over it and if you’re over it, you just want to move on.
This means you’re going to want to put your focus on something other than the relationship. Start rebuilding your life that was probably disrupted by the breakup. So reconnect with friends and family; focus on work, school or hobbies; get some exercise.
From there, it’s onward and upward. Start setting goals and achieving them.
Show your ex that you can survive—and thrive—without them. But again, for the most part, you want to maintain radio silence.
If you start bragging to your ex about how happy you are, they’re going to realize that you’re doing this all for their benefit. Subtlety is key.
These steps will set your ex up to miss you like nothing else you could possibly do.
Remember, you need to be absent if you want your ex to miss you.
If you keep hanging around and bugging them, they won’t have any chance to actually miss you because you’ll be right in front of them.
As cliché as it might sound, absence really does make the heart grow fonder. Time apart is going to make your ex see all the things that you brought into their life that now they’re missing out on.
It’s going to give them a chance for all the bad memories and the drama to fade. And after a few weeks or a month, they’re going to start to wonder why they let you go in the first place… those lingering doubts and second thoughts are going to creep in.
This is the game plan that I recommend in 99% of scenarios like this. If you want your ex back, space is key to making that happen.
What To Do If You Already Blocked Your Ex
Now, the big question. What if you didn’t hear this in time, and you’ve already blocked your ex. Have you ruined your chances of getting them back? Should you just move on?
First off, relax. Just blocking your ex alone is rarely enough to totally tank your chances. Yes, it does work against your goals, but it’s not a total disaster, so don’t sweat it.
Here’s how you can salvage it. All you have to do is wait three days to a week, and then unblock them.
The reason you want to wait is because if you block and unblock them in the span of an hour, you’re going to look like you’re out of control and spiraling. And if you are spiraling, you certainly don’t want your ex to know it.
The truth is that blocking and then unblocking is slightly embarrassing, but it’s certainly the better option. Your only other choice would be to commit to it and keep them blocked for good, which is going to present some real problems when you want to reconnect with them.
No one wants to go out with someone who has them blocked. It sends a weird message.
Second, you don’t want to make a big deal out of it. So don’t apologize for blocking them, or message them to tell them that it must be a glitch, or that your cat walked across your keyboard. No one is buying that. Just own it.
Your ex is going to understand that you were overthinking things. I’m sure they’re going through similar stuff right now.
If they ask about it, just explain that you were just upset, but you realized that it was a mistake. No need to elaborate on it too much.
The important thing is to put this blocking in the past and continue with the plan. After a few weeks, this won’t be something that stands out in their mind, trust me.
