If you’re not over your ex, you probably wonder if they feel the same way.
While it’s not always easy to tell, I’m going to share with you a few signs that your ex is starting to get over you, and what you can do about it.
I will say that these signs do not mean that your ex is OVER you completely, just that they’re on their way. So don’t despair here, you may still have a chance to get them back…but don’t delay. The longer you wait after this point, the harder it will be to make it happen.
1. They deleted photos
If you and your ex JUST broke up and they’ve already deleted all the photos of you on their social media then this is actually a GOOD sign. An ex will do this in order to hurt and shock you. They want to get back at you for something you did to them or are simply using this as an outlet for how upset they’re feeling.
Are they angry at you? Definitely, but this doesn’t mean they’re over you. In fact, it’s the exact opposite: it means that they’re still invested in the relationship.
But if it’s been longer than a few weeks after the breakup and you go to your ex’s instagram and you’re nowhere to be found? This is a sign that they’re starting to move on after the breakup.
An ex will do this for a few reasons. Hopefully they just want to forget about the relationship and not be reminded of you anymore….hopefully.
Another possibility is that they’re out trying to date again and they don’t want people to think that they’re still in a relationship. This can be a hard one to face but it’s a very real possibility.
The silver lining here is that means that they’ve recovered from the breakup and so now is probably the time for you to reach out to them and try reconnecting.
2. They don’t reply to your messages with interest
It’s normal for your ex to take awhile to respond to your messages after a breakup. They’re afraid to stay too connected with you because they’re trying to move on. But this is something else entirely. It’s about HOW they respond to you when they do. Does it feel like talking to a wall? Are they giving you nothing and failing to keep the conversation going?
This is a pretty solid sign that they’ve started to move on. But again, this depends on your particular ex. Because some people will act this way after a breakup to send a message to leave them alone. In this case, this doesn’t mean that they’ve begun moving on. It just means that they want space from you.
It’s when your ex is genuinely disinterested in talking to you that you have to worry. Because no one is going to want to date someone that they just aren’t interested in. It’s much better for things to be messy and even toxic than it is to be ice cold. This is a terrible sign for your chances of getting them back, but don’t give up just yet.
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The best thing you can do right now is back off and rethink the kind of things you’ve been sending them. Talking to them like you did when you were together is not going to work. Remember, you two AREN’T together so pretending like you are is going to make your ex feel weird. Instead, focus on making them laugh and being friendly and upbeat.
And don’t overstay your welcome here. Texting is a tool. Think of what you’re trying to achieve with each message. Are you trying to make them laugh? Remind them of a shared memory? Set up a meeting or a phone call? Get what you came for and get out. Always leave them wanting more.
3. They are dating again
Most people take some time off dating right after a breakup. This time allows them to process what happened, to recalibrate their lives and grieve the relationship. After this period, they start to think about dating again.
Once they’ve begun meeting people, making connections and going on dates, they’re well into the process of moving on.
But there are two things to consider here. If you know that your ex hasn’t fully processed the breakup—say, it’s only been a few weeks since it happened, or they keep messaging you late at night and telling you they miss you—then the fact that they’re dating again can actually be a good sign for you.
In this case, you know that they’re lonely and they’re using dating to hide from their feelings. This kind of desperation can work to your advantage and help you get them back.
Another factor is how bad modern dating can be. Dating today can be really alienating, sad and dispiriting. Maybe they don’t get any matches on the apps. Maybe the people they meet turn out to be boring.
Or maybe they keep running into people who just want to hook up. I’m sure I don’t have to tell you how hard it can be to find love these days. Sometimes a few weeks on the apps is enough to make your ex run screaming back to you.
If that doesn’t happen then your best move is to start dating again, yourself. Your ex isn’t going to be expecting this and surprising your ex is always a good thing. And on top of that, it’s going to make your ex feel jealous.
On some level, they want you to stay stuck on them while they move on and find a happy, new life. This is the most comfortable narrative for people after a breakup.
But when you start to move on as well, it can make them feel scared and lonely. It can even make them reach out to you and try to reconnect so that they don’t have to see you with someone new.
4. They are no longer angry at you
If your ex is angry at you, it can make reconnecting with them difficult. But the truth is, I’d much rather your ex be angry at you than feel nothing towards you. Anger is a sign of investment in the relationship and in you. It’s negative, sure, but it could definitely be worse.
You need to look at the reason for the anger. If they really have no good reason to be angry at you—like maybe they’re mad to see you dating again, or they just call you up to pick a fight for no reason–this is the best case scenario.
It means that they’re struggling to process the breakup. They are upset that things didn’t work out and they don’t know how to deal with that so they’re turning it into anger directed at you.
Now, if you did something legitimately cruel to them then this anger is less of a good sign but it does still mean that they care.
Again, it’s when they stop being angry at you that you should start to worry.
5. You scored less than 70 on my Free Quiz
It can be difficult to figure out how your ex feels without getting some feedback from you directly. That’s why I created my free quiz. Answer the questions and you’ll get a detailed results report that answers the question “Can I Get My Ex Back?” It will tell you the likelihood of getting that second chance and tell you what to do, today, to increase your chances.
6. They’ve changed their life in a significant way
After a breakup, people will try to get away from their old life and create a new, better one. If you’ve followed any of my advice, you should be doing the same.
Usually these efforts will be pretty minimal. Maybe they run a marathon, maybe they get a haircut or take guitar lessons.
But when your ex makes a BIG change awhile after the breakup then this is a sign of them getting over you. Worse, it’s a sign that they’re getting over the person they were when you two were together. So not only are they moving away from you, since they’re changing who they are, it’s going to be harder for you to reconnect with them and fit back into their life, since their life will be so different.
These changes include things like moving a significant distance away, making a big career change, quitting drinking, going back to school, or losing 100 pounds. If you’re still keeping tabs on your ex then you’ll know if they’ve been through something big like this and you should also know that it’s going to hurt your chances with them.
7. They no longer check your social media
This is a small one but it’s definitely a strong indicator that your ex is moving on. It’s pretty normal to check your ex’s social media posts after a breakup. Of course, you won’t always know whether or not they’re doing this except on the apps that show you who has viewed your posts. Basically if they used to check it immediately and then it takes them a couple hours, then a day, and finally if you see that they’re no longer checking in with what you’ve been doing then you’re in trouble. You’re essentially watching your ex get over you in real time.
The best thing you can do here is to improve the quality of your posts. I always tell people, it’s better to post nothing than something boring and repetitive. Social media is all about attracting eyeballs and you’re competing with people who do this stuff for a living. So make sure the things you post are at least interesting to those who follow you, and especially your ex.
I think of it like this: if people follow you it’s because they like YOU, so posting a lot of pictures of yourself is ideal. You’re giving the people what they want. This can be selfies, group shots or professional photos…whatever. The important thing is to include yourself so that your ex sees you and misses you.
You should also include other posts that show what you’ve been up to and how exciting and fun your life is. This is going to get your ex more interested in checking in on you.
8. You have a feeling they’re moving on
Don’t underestimate intuition here. I’m sure you’re here because you get the sense that your ex might be starting to get over you. You might not have a clear indicator–it’s just a gut feeling. This isn’t just your imagination. You’re responding to a million subconscious cues: something they said during the breakup, their body language the last time you saw them, their tone of voice on the phone. It all adds up to the feeling you’re now feeling.
Now, what can you do if you think that your ex is getting over you? Well remember, I said that GETTING over you isn’t the same as OVER you. This is a process that all exes go through after a breakup and it’s something that you can’t stop, no matter how much you want to.
What you can do is begin the process of reconnecting with them. So first off, I need you to reevaluate your relationship with your ex. Are you two still talking all the time and hanging out? Are you begging and pleading with them to take you back? Are you being overly nice to them, giving them gifts and doing them favours? This all needs to stop.
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I need you to look at getting your ex back as a project. I know that right now, your feelings are pretty raw and they’re making you do things that you otherwise wouldn’t. In some moments, you’re angry at your ex and you want to lash out at them for hurting you. In others, you’re dead set on doing what you have to to get them back. And in others still, you just want to be close to them and you’ll take what you can get.
This is the time to focus. Make the decision to reconnect with your ex and make it your only priority. Don’t let your feelings drag you down roads that lead away from your ex. Don’t be too eager or it reads as desperate. You need to play the long game.
Make a plan and stick to it.
