Being blocked by your ex feels horrible.
The person you thought you were going to spend your life cut you off just like that?
It makes you feel like they never cared or that they hate you and want to hurt you.
But what does it really mean if your ex blocks you?
Let’s talk about why your ex blocked you, what it means, and what you can do about it if you want your ex back.
I’m Brad Browning, author of the Ex Factor. I’ve been a relationship coach for over ten years now and I’ve seen my fair share of bad breakups. I’ve seen exes do some pretty crummy stuff to one another, but few things seem to hit people as hard as being blocked by an ex.
This is because it feels very final. It feels like your ex saying “it’s totally over and I’m not even going to listen to what you have to say.” It also feels like a final “screw you” on the way out.
And while I won’t deny that it’s pretty extreme, chances are your ex does have a good reason for blocking you and it’s not just a way of hurting you.
It also doesn’t necessarily mean that things are over forever and it definitely doesn’t mean that they no longer care about you or think about you.
So what DOES it mean? Well first off, let’s look at the actual situation. It’s very rare for everything to be totally normal and then you send a text to your ex and it says “not delivered” or go on their social media and find that you’ve been blocked.
So usually there was an inciting incident here that led to your ex blocking you. Or maybe a series of incidents.
Why Your Ex Blocked You
First, you need to know there is a difference between your ex blocking you on social media and blocking your number which I explain later on in this article.
But first let’s talk about WHY they blocked you…
Possible Reason #1: You were pressuring them to get back together
This is one of the most common reasons that an ex will block you after a breakup. If you don’t leave them alone, and you won’t take no for an answer, they may have felt like this was their only way to get you to stop.
You may say “but they were never that upset about it. Sure, they never said yes but they never exactly said no either.” And this is common as well. You see an ex who blocks you in this situation is one who is trying to avoid confrontation.
They’re afraid to be honest with you whether it’s because they don’t want to make you angry, they don’t want to hurt you or they’re just trying to avoid more drama.
But if you repeatedly reach out to them begging for a second chance or bringing up the breakup and the relationship, then chances are this is why they blocked you.
Often times, you may not even realize you’ve pushed your ex too hard or done anything that would irritate them…
But, look back at your behaviour over the last few days or weeks. Have you been pressuring your ex to get back together or acting in a way that would make them feel pressured? Chances are this is why they decided to block you.
Possible Reason #2: They’re trying to get a rise out of you
If you haven’t been in contact with your ex much and have been just focused on yourself and getting back on track, then they could have blocked you just to get your attention or to get back at you. I know this doesn’t make a whole lot of sense but, as I’ve said, breakups can really mess with your head.
Often an ex will be upset that you’re not trying to get them back or, at the very least, giving them attention.
What’s really happening here is that they miss you and they feel like, because of your actions, that you don’t miss them and they don’t like that.
Now they don’t want to reach out to you and cuss you out or anything like that. They know how that’s going to look. Plus, they see it like a competition. If they message you first then they lose and you win.
RELATED: Why Your Ex Is Ignoring You
So if they block you, they know that you’re going to see that and have a reaction to it.
You’ll be confused and upset and they’re hoping you’ll reach out to you. When you do, they’ll feel like they’ve won.
In this case, your ex will block you on social media but leave you some other way to contact them so that they can get the confrontation that they’re looking for. The one thing you need to remember is you should NOT give them the reaction that they’re looking for. More on that later.
Possible Reason #3: You got in a big fight
If you and your ex got in a huge fight yesterday and today you’ve been blocked, it doesn’t take a genius to figure out what happened.
In this case, they’re either doing this to avoid confrontation or as a big “fuck you.” This is just another avenue for them to fight with you without fighting with you.
The good news is that if this is why your ex blocked you then chances are it’s not permanent.
Often an ex who blocks you for this reason will unblock when their emotions die down and they realize that they miss you and that they overreacted. I’ve seen it happen many times.
Possible Reason #4: You were messaging them too much
This is another common reason for an ex to block you. If you were blowing up your ex’s phone non stop following the breakup, then this could be why they’ve blocked you. This is more likely if you were clingy in the relationship as well.
In some ways, a breakup is a way of saying “give me space” and blocking you is another way of saying this if you didn’t get the message the first time.
The good news is that if this was a major contributor to your breakup then your silence during this time will be extra powerful. Often just giving your ex the space they wanted in the first place will be enough to make them realize that they do miss having you in their life.
They still want you, they just want a little less of you than you were giving them.
Possible Reason #5: They’re trying to move on
So whether they’ve met someone new or they’re just making an effort to move forward without you, this can be a reason that your ex will block you. This is actually way more common than you might think.
Your ex knows that if they stayed connected to you in any way, they’d have a lot of trouble moving on and might possibly wind up caving in to their emotions and getting back together with you just to numb their heartache.
This is one of the reasons that I say that your ex blocking you is not a sign that they hate you or are even over you. If you aren’t pestering them with messages, then blocking you is really a sign that they miss you a lot.
Possible Reason #6: They blocked you right after the breakup
If your ex blocked you right after breaking up then it doesn’t necessarily mean much. As I’ve said, this is a traumatic time. People often act on instinct alone, and are looking for some relief in a difficult situation. Obviously some small part of your ex believed they’d feel better if they blocked you. They probably don’t want to think about you and what happened right now.. They figure if they block you then they can get a little relief.
If this is your situation, I wouldn’t worry too much. Chances are they’ll unblock you soon because they start to miss you too much.
Possible Reason #7: You were a negative influence on their life
So if you and your relationship represent a negative part of your ex’s life that they’re trying to move on from, then this is most likely why they blocked you. Maybe you were involved in drugs and now they’re clean. Maybe you had a very toxic relationship that impacted their life in a bad way. Maybe you were together during a very bad time that they’re trying to forget.
In this case, you should reflect on where you are right now. Are you part of this “bad scene” they’re trying to leave behind or are you going to get your life right too? This is a pretty rare situation and unlikely to be the case for most of you, but it does happen occasionally.
Possible Reason #8: You hurt them
If you did something very naughty like cheating, lying, stealing, abuse or anything like that, then chances are this is why they blocked you. Even if you think that you smoothed it over at the time, breakups allow us a lot of time to think.
Chances are, without you around they’ve realized just how angry they still are about whatever it was that you did and so they wanted to block you…. and that’s exactly what they did.
Possible Reason #9: You went No Contact
Now, if you’ve seen anything else I’ve written, you probably know that I advocate the No Contact method.
This involves you taking a big break from communication with your ex after the breakup. During this time, you focus on improving your life and you allow your absence to make your ex miss you.
Now, your ex typically won’t react this way, but in rare situations they might block you when you go No Contact. This can actually be a good sign, if you want them back.
This is because they’ve clearly noticed you’re not obsessing over them the way they thought you would, and so they’re trying to get back at you by blocking you. They’ll only do this if they’re still thinking about you and what you’re doing which means that they aren’t moving on.
I’d bet quite a bit that this isn’t a permanent block but just an angry gesture on their part.
What You Should Do If Your Ex Blocks You
So, I hope I’ve convinced you that your ex blocking you doesn’t mean that they hate you, that they never cared about you, or that things are necessarily even over. Exes really will block you for a variety of reasons, but almost all of them mean that they DO still care about you, whether or not they still want to be in contact with you.
The Different Types of Blocking
Now, I said that I’d talk about the difference between blocking your number and blocking you on social media.
In my opinion, blocking your number means they don’t want you to contact them and blocking you on social media means that they don’t want to see what you’re doing and they don’t want you to see what they’re doing.
Of course, unless they block you on both, they’re probably not afraid of you or trying to make sure that you never speak to them again.
Which brings us to what you need to do in this situation. But first, let’s talk about what NOT to do. This is a very touchy situation so you’re more likely to make the wrong move here than the right one.
First off, do not reach out to them.
You shouldn’t reach out to your ex when they’ve blocked you. Full stop. This is NEVER going to work out the way you want it to. It doesn’t matter what you do or say right now. It’s only going to make things worse.
RELATED: Force Your Ex To Admit The Breakup Was A Mistake
They’re setting a clear boundary here and you need to respect it, whether or not you want to have a relationship with them after this. If you don’t respect it, they’ll start to think that you don’t respect them.
On top of this, you’re going to scare them. I know that you don’t have bad intentions but someone repeatedly reaching out to you after you’ve said “stop” is really alarming.
So don’t reach out from another number, don’t reach out through mutual friends, don’t post about it online, and don’t message them on Linkedin. Just leave them alone for now.
Another important thing to remember is you shouldn’t try to place blame.
As I’ve explained, there are many reasons that your ex may have blocked you, some more valid than others. But it doesn’t matter if the reason that they blocked you was totally wrong and very immature…they still blocked you. There’s no point in dwelling on the reason why, much less trying to convince them that they were wrong.
You need to try to accept this because, really, all you can do now is decide how you’re going to respond to the block.
Here’s what you need to do.
First, you need to accept the block and what it means. I know how much it hurts to be blocked. And you think if you can find a way to blame them then you won’t have to admit to yourself that YOU deserved it because that’s even more painful.
But the truth is, as I’ve explained, it’s rarely a completely one-sided issue. You had a relationship, relationships are complicated and sometimes we hurt each other in ways we didn’t intend and the only way forward is to separate completely…at least temporarily.
Whatever your ex’s motivations were, they had some kind of reason to block you, and there’s no point blaming them for it.
But… I’m sure now you’re wondering if your ex will ever unblock you? Does this mean that the relationship is over for good?
Well as I already mentioned earlier, the answer to that can be found by taking my free quiz. I’ve put together a simple but effective quiz that will answer the question “can I get my ex back?” Just answer a few questions and get a result out of 100 that represents how easy it’s going to be to reconnect with your ex.
Moving forward, whether or not your ex unblocks you, they’re going to need a break from having you in their life. Your best bet is to focus on you and the things within your control.
Chances are good your ex will reach out to YOU sometime in the near future, but unfortunately that’s got to be a decision they make on their own.
