Do you ever get the feeling that your ex isn’t telling you the whole truth?
Well, chances are they’re not.
I’m going to tell you all the secrets your ex is keeping and what this means for you.
Why Your Ex Is Keeping Secrets
Now let’s talk about WHY your ex might be keeping secrets from you.
First off, it’s almost never malicious. They’re not going out of their way to trick you or to hurt you…usually. Most of the time they’re lying by omission because it’s easier for them then telling the whole truth.
So maybe they’re hiding information out of selfishness… They think if you knew the truth you’d treat them differently or you’d call them out. They–understandably–don’t want to be embarrassed or feel bad about their choices.
The other option is that they’re trying to spare your feelings.
They know that if they revealed these things it would hurt you and they’re trying to avoid that. Really, these aren’t great reasons to keep secrets, but they are understandable.
So don’t be mad at your ex for most of these things. They’re only human and–if you’re here–I’m guessing you’re keeping a few secrets from your ex as well. Complete honesty isn’t always the best policy. Sometimes the truth hurts.
That’s all to say that you need to think carefully if you really WANT to know what they’re hiding from you. There’s a very good chance that getting the full picture is just going to make you sad.
In my opinion it’s always best to know the truth, even if it hurts, but I know that that’s not for everyone, so proceed with caution.
Now, let’s dive into the things that your ex doesn’t want you to know.
Secret #1 – They’re not confident about the decision to break up.
Just because they broke up with you doesn’t mean they’re certain that they’ve made the right decision.
If you’ve ever dumped someone, you know what I’m talking about: it’s NEVER an easy decision and there’s almost no chance that your ex is 100% confident that breaking up was the right call.
They may have weighed the pros and cons many times before actually breaking the news to you, and decided that going your separate ways is the “right” thing to do… but that definitely doesn’t mean they’re sure about that decision.
In 90% of situations, your ex is going to be secretly hiding their own anxieties about breaking up. Was it the right decision? Will they live to regret it down the road? Will they ever be able to find someone like you again?
Simply put, your ex is going to be worried–at least on some level–that they’ve made the wrong choice by breaking up. They won’t likely admit it to you, and may sound 100% certain that the breakup is final, but usually they’re still internally conflicted to some extent.
Secret #2- They kept some of your stuff
Yes, there’s a VERY good chance that your ex kept something of yours after the breakup, even if they said they didn’t. A recent survey found that 2 out of every 3 people are still holding onto some of their ex’s belongings.
More than four in ten people admit they have more than one item from a past relationship.
44 percent of people said they keep these items because of the fond memories attached to them, while 30 percent believe the item defines a specific chapter in their lives. Another 38 percent have a much more practical explanation for keeping their ex’s stuff: it serves a purpose.
This study found some pretty crazy things. Some people said they even kept their ex’s sex toys. And of the respondents in new relationships, 37 percent of people confessed they intentionally try to hide their ex’s old stuff from their new love. Yikes.
There are plenty of reasons for an ex to hold onto your stuff. Maybe they’re angry at you and they want to “get one over” on you by stealing your stuff.
Maybe they stained your favourite pair of sweatpants. But most likely, they just can’t bear to lose the one thing that reminds them of you.
So take this one as a good sign if you want your ex back and don’t bother them about it. Hopefully this is the most devious secret your ex is keeping… and hopefully whatever they kept is replaceable.
Secret #3 – They’re dating again
Yes, I know it hasn’t been very long…for you at least…but there’s still a VERY good chance that your ex is dating again after the breakup.
But don’t despair. Often people will go on a few dates soon after a breakup because they’re just afraid to be alone. These dates will usually end in tears or a very short-lived and toxic rebound relationship. If your ex does get into one of these rebound relationships, it’s only going to push them closer to you in the long run.
So, yeah, don’t worry if your ex is dating again soon after a breakup. It’s most likely a sign that they miss you and that they’re not handling the breakup very well.
Secret #4 – They think about you all the time
You’re almost certainly still on your ex’s mind all the time now that you’ve broken up. Of course you are. You two had a significant relationship and no matter how bad the breakup was–or maybe BECAUSE of how bad it was–they most likely can’t get you out of their mind.
The less time has passed since the breakup, the more likely this is. For the first few weeks it might seem like they can’t have a free moment without you popping up in their head.
They’re also thinking about the breakup, turning it over in their mind again and again, in hopes of finding something that will make them feel better. They’re remembering everything they said and everything you said.
As time passes, this is going to become less intense but, often, more upsetting for your ex. After a few weeks, instead of picturing your face and the time you spent together, they’re thinking about how much they miss you and how they messed up their only chance for happiness.
They miss your presence and the happiness you brought.
These thoughts aren’t always positive, of course. Their feelings towards you are extremely complicated. They care about you and yet they wanted to end the relationship. They’re all mixed up right now and so it’s going to be hard for them to think about anything else but you.
This is all to say, you’re not alone. You’re not the only one obsessing over the breakup. Your ex is in almost exactly the same boat.
Secret #5 – Your ex wasn’t fully honest when they told you WHY they wanted to break up.
It’s a very very common thing for an ex to lie about why they wanted to break up… or, at the very least, only tell you part of the truth.
Most of the time, your ex will give you some generic reasons why they wanted to break up… things like “I’m too busy with school for a serious relationship” or “I just need some time to decide what I want” or “we don’t share any common interests”…. Typically, these things will only be a small part of their decision, or even a flat-out lie.
Your ex is going to feel like they need to give you some kind of explanation as to why the relationship ended… but they also don’t want to hurt your feelings by telling you the full truth.
For example, maybe they’re not as attracted to you anymore because you recently gained some weight… or maybe they found someone new that they’re falling for.
Do you really think your ex is going to tell you that kind of thing, knowing how much it would hurt your feelings? Not to mention, how it’s going to make them look to you and whoever you tell about the breakup. Instead, they’ll come up with some other reason that’s less hurtful, like the old classic “it’s not you, it’s me” excuse.
What does this mean for you? It just means you should be skeptical about your ex’s explanation for the breakup, and avoid becoming overly fixated on whatever your ex said was the reason they wanted to end things.
Secret #6 – A small part of your ex wishes you’d just go away
As I’ve said, your ex’s feelings towards you are pretty complicated. They love you, they hate you. They want you, they want space. It’s maddening. This is why a small part of them wishes you’d just disappear. They think it would be easier if you were gone and they wouldn’t have to think about you ever again.
Obviously, this isn’t a very rational wish. If you just went missing one day, they’d think about you even more and be even more upset. So while it can be hurtful to hear this, know that they don’t really mean it. They’re just in a lot of turmoil at the moment.
Secret #7 – A bigger part of them hopes you never leave
Now this will make you feel better. Your ex is terrified that you’ll be out of their life forever now that you two are broken up. And it’s a reasonable concern.
They won’t have your shoulder to cry on anymore. They won’t be able to come to you with their problems. And they won’t have your comforting presence to ground them.
I’m not going to say that they still love you but there’s a huge part of them that still has positive feelings towards you. They have a million memories with you and they don’t want those to fade away without you around.
And let’s not forget, they’re afraid of change.
Secret #8 – They look at you differently now
When you talk to your ex, it can sometimes feel like nothing has changed at all. It’s like you’re right back where you were when you were happy together.
But on a deeper level, it’s pretty clear that EVERYTHING is different now. Unsurprisingly, breaking up changes the relationship you two once had but more than that…it changes how they look at you.
They no longer see you as their partner, their lover or their soulmate. On a subconscious level, you’re now a different person to them. Just by going through a breakup with you, they’ve created new, negative memories that are going to pop back up when they see or talk to you.
RELATED: Why Your Ex LIED About Your Breakup
And since you’re not together, you’re no longer a source of happiness and love for them. They can no longer access that part of the relationship because you two can’t just pretend like everything is how it was. Instead, you fill them with dread, sadness and bad memories.
But this isn’t a death sentence. By approaching your ex the right way and with the right strategy, you can avoid evoking these negative feelings and, eventually, you can remove them entirely and replace them with new associations.
If you can pull this off, they’ll be filled with joy whenever they see your face.
Secret #9 – They’re not doing as well as they say
Yes, you may feel like your ex is doing really well after the breakup. In fact, they seem like they’re even doing better than they were when you two were together. What’s their secret?
Well the secret is that they are sad and miserable but are putting on a brave face. You may not be able to see it but that just means they’re a better actor than you thought. They don’t want the world to see how devastated they were by this breakup. And they really REALLY don’t want YOU to see how sad they are.
Nobody wants to appear weak to the people they care about. We all put on a brave face to protect ourselves and prevent losing face and embarrassing ourselves.
Maybe the world would be a better place if we could all be more vulnerable but that’s just the way it goes. After all, aren’t you doing the same thing?
Secret #10 – Your ex is scared that you’ll move on quickly.
Your ex will never admit this, but it’s very likely that they don’t want you to move on and get over the breakup quickly.
Sometimes this is a subconscious feeling in the back of their mind, but it’s natural for most people to want their ex to stick around and be available as a “backup plan” in case they decide that breaking up was too painful or the wrong decision
If it looks like you’re moving on quickly from the breakup, your ex will fear that their backup plan is slipping away, and that the breakup may be permanent… and, as I already mentioned, your ex probably still isn’t fully sure that breaking up was the right choice.
This is why it’s so important to give the impression that you’re moving on from the breakup and thriving without your ex around.
By making your ex think that you’re getting over them and quickly moving on with life, they’ll be under real pressure to decide if they are willing to let you go forever… or whether they should take you back while that option is still available to them.
Secret #11 – Your ex feels guilty for hurting you.
This one is pretty simple. Unless your relationship with this person was so toxic that they truly hate you, your ex WILL feel bad that they had to hurt your feelings.
They know how painful being dumped can be, and they still care about you to some extent, so breaking your heart is going to make them feel very guilty.
In fact, breaking up with you was probably one of the most difficult things they’ve ever done.
Secret #12 – At times, your ex wishes they could have you back.
As I’ve already explained, breaking up is hard for both people involved. Your ex being the one to initiate the breakup doesn’t really mean they’re going to be any less heartbroken than you are.
In fact, sometimes the heartache can be even worse for the “dumper” than for the person being dumped.
That means your ex isn’t going to have an easy ride after the breakup, either. They’ll cry, they’ll feel lonely, and they’ll miss you like crazy… especially in the first few weeks after breaking up.
There will definitely be times where your ex desperately wants to make the pain go away by calling you up and getting back together. There will be times they question their decision to end things. And there will be times they want nothing more than to be in your arms again.
Now, often your ex will be able to overpower those emotions with logic. They’ll think back to the underlying problems that led to them wanting to break up, and they’ll resist the urge to call you and take you back by reminding themselves that it was “the right thing to do in the long run.”
Your ex’s friends and family will likely try to talk them out of taking you back, reminding them of the reasons they wanted to break up in the first place.
One of the key components of my Ex Factor program is designed specifically to make your ex forget about those “logical reasons” for breaking up, and miss you so badly that they simply can’t help but ask you to take them back. Watch my full tutorial video here to learn the specific techniques you need to use to overcome your ex’s logical reasons for the breakup and make them desperate to take you back.
Secret #13 – Your ex is very curious about what you’ve been up to since the breakup.
If you take my advice and employ a period of No Contact, then your ex is going to quickly lose touch with what’s happening in your life. They’ll know basically nothing about what you’ve been doing since the breakup, and that’s going to make them very curious.
They’ll wonder how you’re feeling, whether you’re starting to move on, and whether you’ve been seeing anyone new.
In fact, at some point during No Contact, your ex will probably reach out to see how you’re doing and ask why you’ve suddenly stopped reaching out to them.
They’ll also probably stalk you on social media and ask mutual friends about you, too. The less they know about your life since the breakup, the more curious they’re going to be.
RELATED: If You Want Your Ex Back, Ask Yourself These 7 Questions
My advice, at least if you’re trying to get back together, is to take advantage of your ex’s curiosity. Don’t give them any details unless you have to… just keep them guessing.
If you’re feeling especially devious, you can even drop hints that suggest you might be dating again… for example, you could mention you “took a friend to dinner last night”, but not tell your ex who the friend was or whether it was really a date.
Any sense of mystery and intrigue is going to help your cause, and will give your ex a reason to contact you or agree to hang out with you in person.
What To Do If Your Ex Is Keeping Secrets
So what can you do here? Can you make them admit what they’re hiding? Can you use it against them to get them back? Unfortunately confronting your ex and getting the truth out of them isn’t going to work here.
And really, getting the full truth isn’t the goal here. Instead, look at what your ex is hiding and what it means and proceed accordingly.
Several of these secrets indicate that your ex wants you back, which can work to your advantage if that’s what you want.
In any case, proceed with the plan of reattracting them, regardless of the secrets that they’re keeping. Don’t obsess over this information and let it distract you from your goal.
